a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
