so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
