Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
