I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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