You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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