btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
