Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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