so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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