I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
