What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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