You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
