your parents love me but you hate me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
