this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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