No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
