after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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