well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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