You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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