I cannot find my penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
