Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We have started to decorate penises.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pants are for mortals
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
