wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
