The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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