I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
