nut hugger
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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