i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
