so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
