based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You pole danced in your parka.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
