i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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