So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
