Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
