I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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