I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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