hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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