i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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