There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
