Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
