It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
