i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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