can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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