i think my tv is drunk
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
