Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
