fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
