i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
