i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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