lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
