I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
