i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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