obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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