why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
