my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
