im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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