I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
