Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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