if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
