My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
