the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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