Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
